May 2023

May 2023 - Who Cries Over Cheese on Toast… Me!

Every year on the 1st of May I go to a very special place and 'Dance in the Dawn' it's a tradition in Hastings with Morris Dancers and lots of celebration.

I made myself go this year but the side effects of my chemo made it almost impossible. I felt so rotten I could hardly stand, never mind dance. I was cold, achy and my head could hardly cope with all the jollity. I only stayed a little while and took myself back to bed.

A couple of days later it was Simon's birthday. We usually celebrate with Jelly and Ice Cream. This didn't taste right. I was told my taste might change as a result of the chemotherapy and it was starting to become a reality. This made me feel very sorry for myself as my mouth was getting sore too and I had hoped that the jelly and ice cream would be soothing.

The next day I was scheduled to have a Full Body Spect CT Scan which I thought was a little late as I had all my other tests before my treatment started but this was the scheduled time so I prepared myself but was concerned as to how I would cope as I was spending a lot of my time needing to be very near a toilet.

This test was strange as I had to go to the hospital for a dye to be put in, come away and then go back three hours later for the actual scan. What a lot of faffing about when I really just felt like doing absolutely nothing. That day it was all I could manage so I did literally nothing else for the rest of the day.

I had a little win the next day though as I managed to get through the day without taking any medication for side effects. "Not wise", I'm told by my medical team but it was important for me to try it.....surely just one day wouldn't hurt???

I was determined to increase my level of self care while going through my treatment. The mind was willing but actually carrying this out was a huge chore. I did it though.

During this month I treated myself to delightful Epsom Salt Baths to soothe my sore skin and help me sleep well.

I started regular sessions with a wonderful lady to look after my feet. I was starting to feel the peripheral neuropathy in my feet which needed a lot of care.

I had regular appointments with my Acupuncturist to help lessen the side effects. I had discussions with a Nutritionist and got some fillings done at the dentist before I wasn't able to because one of the drugs in my 'chemo cocktail' would prevent this.

My taste and appetite was being affected and my mouth was becoming very sore. My diet was becoming very bland. My go to favourite was Rice Pudding. It was the only thing that tasted as I expected it to .

I also became a great fan of adding a bit of cheese to things...that helped with taste too.

One morning when I was feeling particularly low with my lack of menu choice I really fancied cheese on toast but was scared as I thought it would be difficult to eat with my mouth being so sore.

I was determined though and went for it. As I very carefully took my first very little bite it tasted so nice and I was so relieved that I hadn't hurt my mouth that I burst into tears. Such was the emotion attached to such a simple pleasure. My good friend was with me and I think she shed a tear too but we very quickly burst into laughter together.

Finding the joy in the smallest things and sharing them with very special people are lifelines when you are going through cancer treatment and I would encourage anyone who has to face this to laugh at everything you can and celebrate all your wins...however small they seem to be. I am very lucky to have the support of an amazing friend who made me a star chart with gold stars for this which I loved and used all the time.

In the middle of this month I had an Ultrasound Scan to assess the tumour that had been found.

Good News!!!

It had begun to shrink!!!

What a fabulous result........it made me feel good about feeling so rotten ...the treatment was brutal but it appeared to be working.

Lots of gold stars on this day.

Chemo round 3 came next. Accompanied my friend who I've known since I was 11 years old. We were at school together and have been through lots of things together but this was a new experience for us both. My friend had supported her Mum through breast cancer ...twice... and had been by the side of another of her friends through their own cancer. Sadly both these people had lost their lives to this cruel disease so there was a very real concern for my well being.

Supported by my friend Julie, on round no3 of chemo.

Again the day was full of a mix of emotions.

Laughter and sadness.

Worry and strength.

Anxiety and relief.

But, I have to say, I look back on my 'chemo days' with fond memories probably because I feel all the love and care I was given and am so grateful for that. I would encourage anyone who experiences cancer treatment to ask for help from your friends and lean into all that they offer you.

Friends will want to help you but may be unsure of how they can help. Driving you to treatment is a wonderful way to support and distract you. It also creates a very special bond between you which is priceless.

I was dropped home by my friend and was very tired but also very hungry, which I thought was strange. I also noticed that I felt quite hot and my heart seemed to be a bit fluttery. I relaxed and calmed myself and took myself to bed.

In the morning my legs were so tired and aching, I was still exhausted, and felt breathless just walking down the stairs. I didn't do my morning doggie walk, which was very rare. I knew something wasn't right. I was worried so I phoned the emergency number that I had been given for any concerns and was glad I did. After a brief discussion it was confirmed that my haemoglobin was very low which would explain the way I felt. I was told not to worry it would get back to normal but to ring again if the symptoms didn't improve within the next few days.

I immediately thought I would improve this by adding iron rich foods to my diet. ( I was told not to take supplements. It's very important that you don't use supplements of any kind while you are going through cancer treatment)

Not only was I told not to eat iron rich foods but I didn't feel like them anyway. This was so strange for me as I had always turned to food to heal myself.

Adjusting to all the changes that came with cancer and the treatment for it was proving to be a difficult process for me.

I ended the month on a high. I had a visit from my Sister and Niece. They came bearing gifts. A fun hat in my favourite leopard skin print and some sunglasses. Very practical as I needed to protect myself from the sun. They also bought me lots of skincare products to soothe my dry, sore skin too. Perfect gifts for anyone going through cancer treatment.

For anyone who goes through cancer treatment my advice would be to accept all the changes that you will go through.

Accept and honour all your emotions.

Accept and recognise that all your emotions can come at the same time. Don't feel guilty if you find joy and fun in the situations you find yourself in. Tears and laughter sit together very well. This experience will change you and your relationships....but it's not all bad.

I have learnt a lot through this which is why I am so passionate about sharing my experience so that I can help others.

~

If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you, please visit my website and YouTube channel. There, I share more about my cancer journey and how my experiences have fuelled my passion for supporting others through similar challenges.

Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or simply need a listening ear.

Here are details to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@CalmerSelfCoach

Website: www.calmerself.co.uk

Text: 07856 169186

Email: nadine@calmerself.co.uk