July 2023

July 2023 - The End of the Big 6, a reflective Birthday, and my new favourite treat - ice cream!

To begin the month of July I decided to have my head shaved again. My hair was growing back but it was still patchy and I felt it best to keep it very short for now.

After the initial shock of people seeing me go from very long hair to no hair at all, people were getting used to seeing me like this. I would have never believed I would be so bold as to go out in public with no hair but I was glad I did. People are very accepting. So many people commented on how good I looked… people can be very kind.

On the 3rd of July I was back at the hospital to see my surgeon to discuss the surgery I would be having. This included me having another scan and mammogram to see how the chemotherapy was working. Delighted to say, it was working and my surgeon was so pleased as this was going to make her job easier.

Every test you go through to do with cancer at any stage is terrifying. Worry and fear take over whatever the situation but I am very lucky that I can use some of the techniques I teach in my Calmer Self Method to steady my nerves and anxiety while going through them.

On the 18th July I was to have the last of what I call 'The Big Six' rounds of chemotherapy. I did think this was the end of it but, unfortunately I got that one wrong and I was to continue my 3 weekly sessions but with a much lighter cocktail of chemicals.

A few of my wonderful Chemo Nurses.

Going to this chemotherapy appointment was very special as it would be the last one with this particular group of very special nurses. I called them my 'chemo angels' as they had looked after me so well. I had such mixed emotions at this being the last one with them. I was going to miss seeing them even though I was very glad to be progressing through my treatment plan.

Huge Gold stars for this milestone .

I have spoken to so many other people that have gone through treatment for cancer and they say similar things. Although it's great to be ending a course of treatment it also comes with a feeling of sadness and loss as we say goodbye to routines and people that we have got used to. It's another kind of grief which I now know is very common. For me I can honestly say I felt a little 'abandoned'. I had grown to trust these people while I was very vulnerable and they had cared for me so beautifully. There was a piece of me that felt I wouldn't be able to cope without them.

For my next stage of my treatment I was going to have to get used to different people and circumstances and I didn't really know how I was going to cope with that.

Wearing my Mum’s jewellery on my birthday.

I ended the month celebrating my birthday. I had a wonderful time with my family where I wore some of my Mum's special jewelry so that I felt she was with us for the family gathering.

My cancer diagnosis had really made me sentimental and I felt great sadness at the people who were not able to be with me for this birthday. My Mum had died 18years ago but I really felt the loss for this birthday. We had always celebrated our birthdays together as they were only 2 days apart and I was feeling very sorry for myself that she wasn't still with me while I was going through such a traumatic time......a girl always needs her Mum however old she is.

On the actual day of my birthday my very special friend and I had a delightful little trip to a local park where we had an ice cream (my new go to treat as it was one of the few things that tasted nice). No big party for me this year, just a low key, very special celebration of life, for which I was very grateful. I was still very tired and trying my best to manage the debilitating side effects of the treatment to do much else.

Part of what I have learnt through my own cancer experience is to really value life. Celebrate the simple things and to lean into all the love and care that I have received.

I have faced my own mortality and don't want to waste a moment of this precious life not feeling the love. I do believe that facing death allows you to feel the intensity of life more deeply and that is advice I would give to anyone......don't wait for a life changing condition or event to make you realise this.

If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you, please visit my website and YouTube channel. There, I share more about my cancer journey and how my experiences have fuelled my passion for supporting others through similar challenges.

Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or simply need a listening ear.

Here are details to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@CalmerSelfCoach

Website: www.calmerself.co.uk

Text: 07856 169186

Email: nadine@calmerself.co.uk