November 2023

Radiotherapy begins…

I started the month of November 2023 with a trip to the chemotherapy unit for my infusion and the next day I was to attend a different hospital for the first of my Radiotherapy Sessions. They call them Fractions and I was to have 5. I considered myself very lucky that the number had been reduced but they were to be more intense, I was told, although I had no idea what that meant.

I was a little annoyed as Radiotherapy is given daily which meant I had the 3 hour round trip to do everyday for a 10min Radiotherapy session. To add to that, I had started my 'fractions' on a Thursday. They didn't do Radiotherapy sessions over the weekend so it meant that my 5 sessions would be Thur and Friday and then Mon, Tues and Wed of the next week. I should have felt grateful, most people have so many more sessions, but I was just frustrated by it all.

I wasn't able to use any oils on my skin, only the special gel they gave me, which meant I couldn't carry on with the daily massage I was doing with my blend of essential oils for my scar healing and I was cross about that as it had become a routine that not only helped me physically but also mentally as I was adjusting to my body after the surgery.

A positive part of this new schedule was that I was still being driven to and from my appointments. This was such a treat for me as it took away the worry of traffic and parking. If you can get someone else to do the driving for you I would highly recommend it as it also means you can sleep when you need to as you never know how you will feel. I was lucky that I had such wonderful people to drive me who understood that sometimes I needed the distraction of chatting and sometimes I needed to just be quiet and rest.

The experience of Radiotherapy for me was a strange one. I didn't actually feel anything physically while it was being done but emotionally it had a huge impact on me. Unlike the chemo ward, you are alone while you have your radiotherapy. The lovely nurses get you into position and then leave the room for their safety. They say you can still talk to them and, of course, they are still looking after you but you're totally alone while this massive machine clunks its way around you. You have to keep totally still and get the breathing right… and it's cold.

I felt absolutely useless and thought I'd messed it up with my breathing but was assured that the machine will only work when your breath is in the right place but that can make the session take longer and you are very aware of the tight schedule the Radiotherapy unit is under so you really don't want to take up too much time. When I wasn't worrying about all the above I felt an overwhelming sense of being alone and it really upset me. The sessions were so quick and when they were over the nurse came back and you got up and got yourself dressed and went home. It really shouldn't have been such a big deal but I really felt knocked sideways by the experience. I have talked about this since with others who have had radiotherapy and many have said they felt the same. Maybe it's the difference from the busy chemotherapy ward to the isolation of the radiotherapy unit?

I found the whole experience quite unnerving and a little scary. For me it was weird to not actually feel something that I was expecting to burn. I was told that it works on a deep level which I understood more as time went on and I knew that the radiotherapy had an impact on my healing from the surgery which had been going so well before the radiotherapy. I also feel I was extra sensitive as I had not long gone through my surgery and was still having chemotherapy. There was a lot going on with this full on treatment plan.

Although I was still in the midst of my treatment and radiotherapy was taking up a big whack of my time and energy I was determined to begin to increase my self care.

After all, I was considered to be 'in recovery' .

I really tried to embrace this idea and got started on an exercise programme with an Oncology trained personal trainer for my physical recovery after surgery and started appointments with a Counsellor to help me get my head around all that was happening to me. As a treat I booked myself up for some Reflexology treatments. These proved to be so beneficial in helping me relax during this hectic time.

I also started to work with a therapist that was an expert in scar therapy and lymphatic massage. This became my new obsession as I wanted to learn all about this to help my healing and manage the side effects of surgery. Having lymph nodes removed can lead to lymphoedema which is usually in the arm but I developed it in my breast and tummy and, as I still had the Seroma I needed to learn how to do this kind of self massage to help my body drain the fluid that kept building up.

I was lucky to have my little online presence and wanted to share some of the things that were helping me. I did a Podcast about how I was managing the changes in my skin and the products that I found really helped soothe and nourish my chemo ravaged skin.

I feel blessed to be able to share this and hopefully help others who are going through similar things.

I also talked with a good friend in a podcast we did together about the changes I was going through and about transformation. Many people encouraged me to share what I was going through and show up looking the way I looked. It helped me get used to my loss of hair and not feeling happy about the way my skin looked. I am so grateful for this, not only helped me to work through my feelings around it all, but I know that these conversations have helped others from the wonderful messages I get.

The month seemed to race by and it was soon time for blood tests in preparation for my next infusion and a visit to the Dentist so he could assure my oncologist that my oral health was good enough for me to also have Zoledronic Infusions. These would be done in the Chemotherapy Ward while I was there for my regular 3 weekly appointments.

On reflection this was such a busy month and I was physically and emotionally all over the place. I would like to share a reminder to be kind and gentle with yourself when emotions seem overwhelming. Don't underestimate the value of these feelings to give you insight and opportunities to learn. I think my biggest lesson here was to practice patience ......a constant reminder that keeps appearing. I'd also like to repeat how beneficial it is to actually talk about how you feel. Bottling things up can be harmful. There is so much to be gained from getting those emotions out in whatever shape or form you are able, even writing them down helps but, if you can talk to someone you will find it very therapeutic. It doesn't matter who you talk to and they don't need to solve your problems. Sometimes it's just good to get it out......

Again my coping strategies and stress reducing techniques have been put to good use and tested to the limits but I am so glad I was able to lean into them when I needed to. This is why I am so keen to share all that I have learnt.

~

If you’d like to learn more about how I can help you, please visit my website and YouTube channel. There, I share more about my cancer journey and how my experiences have fuelled my passion for supporting others through similar challenges.

Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any questions or simply need a listening ear.

Here are details to my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/@CalmerSelfCoach

Website: www.calmerself.co.uk

Text: 07856 169 186

Email: nadine@calmerself.co.uk